Ghosting – “The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the person is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just “get the hint” and leave the person alone, as opposed to the person telling them he/she is no longer interested. Ghosting is not specific to a certain gender and is closely related to the individuals maturity and communication skills. Many attempt to justify ghosting as a way to cease dating the ghostee without hurting their feelings, but it, in fact, proves the person is thinking more of themselves, as ghosting often creates more confusion for the ghostee than if the person kindly stated how he/she feels” (Urban Dictionary).
Or as I like to call it a fucking coward’s way out.
I’d never experienced ghosting before, I’d always thought it was a bit laughable at how someone could act like that, I mean, that was until it happened to me.
I always saw ghosting as something that people did after a date and they realise the other person is a fucking weirdo, therefore they completely vanish so the other person can never contact them again.
An ex, after he broke up with me, he completely and utterly ghosted me. He blocked my numbers off every app, blocked me off every use of social media, deleted every picture he ever had of me, of us, unfollowed my friends, he even took the time out of his day to go through my personal Instagram account and delete all his comments and likes he ever made on my pictures. I mean, you O fucking K hun?
As if the fact he broke up with me didn’t hurt enough, but to do all of that? The thought that I meant that little to him to do such a fucking hurtful act, hurt more than the breakup, and believe me, that fucking broke my heart. I loved this guy and he throws that much hate and disrespect my way?!
But, you know what, every cloud has a silver lining, the fact he did this, it helped in the healing, in the getting over him. He wasn’t there when I was sobbing and wanting him, he wasn’t there because there was no possible way to contact him. In a roundabout way, he did me a favour, there was no drunk messages telling him I miss him, no texts trying to get a hook up with him and no actual way for him to ever hear or see how much I was really hurting.
Don’t get me wrong, it still confuses the fuck out of me as to why he ghosted me when he was the one to finish it with me. (We ended on good terms btw) Hell!! the more I think about it, it confuses me as to why anyone with a fucking heart would ghost someone they once claimed to love? I look back and think if this was my first love or if I wasn’t as strong as I am now, or have this much self-love, this would have seriously, seriously damaged me. Don’t get me wrong as I said previously this hurt! It’s left me with honestly, a thousand questions… the whys?! And to be honest I’m not sure when they will stop going around in my head. But my advice to anyone who has been ghosted by the guy they once loved, the guy who promised them everything… this has nothing to do with you (well, unless you were a psycho after a few dates 😉) but I honestly think this reflects the person who done the ghosting. I believe they have serious issues to do that to someone, to vanish off the face of the earth? Or maybe I just think this because I have a fucking heart? But to me, it’s a fucking coward’s way to “face up” to hurting someone. We, as the ghostee are no longer in their life, we no longer exist to them, therefore, they don’t have to come to terms with being a fucking heart-breaking prick. And so, they are then able to fool the next girl that comes along just weeks after they break up with you.
But girls, if this happened to you, please remember with every part of you, it’s okay to have all these questions! Be angry but don’t be bitter. Don’t allow your emotions to control your behaviour. Write those questions down, write them down and hide them somewhere and when you get those days where you feel like a piece of shit and life is too much, and there will be those days, get your questions out, read them, think about it…if you see him and you got those answers would it be worth it? Or would it break your heart all over again? Right now, you feel hurt, disrespected and rejected and believe me I get it… but my advice to you is to focus on you. Keep busy, and that doesn’t mean getting on the next dick that pays you attention, that means, spend time with people who love you back, who lift your spirits when you’re down, who will remind you why, in the long run, he did you a favour by ending it and ghosting you. And if that doesn’t help, remember the silver lining, at least he never saw how much he hurt you. Because no guy ever deserves to see that.
Be strong. I have faith in you.
Lots of love
Sass Queen x
I’d love to hear some of your views on this blog and even more interested to hear of your ghosting stories! So holla at me.